This poem actually came to me in a dream (cliché I know), but the only part that I remembered when I woke, was the first 2 lines. I set out to write the rest of it, and decided that it should be an ode to myself, or to anyone that feels as though they’ve deceived themselves before.

I chose to use the metaphor of water, because of the subconscious value it holds (search “water/ocean in dreams“), as well my immense fascination but irrational fear of the deep ocean. This is Ode to Ocean:

When I was a little girl

I dreamt of an aeroplane;

as a boat.

Titanium panels, creaking wings

unfurl –

I would dream I was sinking

when I knew I could

float.

Heaving, bleeding instead of

breathing

I am the captain of lying, hurting

deceiving.

Could it be (after all this time)

I’m the one off stream?

The nightmares were just my own

made-up schemes?

In my meddling, trifling affairs with my insecurities

it is me who refused to see the wood for the

trees?

At the end of the dream, I’d tell myself I could do it

but would find

I’m the worst at it.

Though the birds would swim, and the fish would fly

It is me, who would dream I shouldn’t

survive.