I am a fat girl. Not a fitness influencer or a certified trainer. So what I have to say is purely my opinion. And based on a new love I now have for exercise, that I never had before.

It all started with a PCOS diagnosis a few years ago. I was 20 or 21, and the news was scary and overwhelming. I didn’t want to suffer from diabetes or high blood pressure in my 40s or continue to lose hair on my head or be faced with possible infertility once I was ready for children.

I didn’t have the financial means to work with a personal trainer, dietician, or nutritionist. So it all fell on me to take control of my life and get myself on track. It was daunting, but I found great support from my family to keep it up. I shed a lot of weight and became the strongest and smallest I ever have in my entire life! All within three months… and then…life came back to kick me in the guts.

For one, I got married! And no, I am not blaming my husband for ‘allowing’ me to ‘let myself go’, but being with someone who loves you endlessly makes you comfortable. Hahaha! And then the biggest tragedy of my life so far – my grandmother passed away – broke my heart and my spirit. I struggled to cope with the loss. And I turned to food for comfort. I didn’t know how to process my emotions, but I knew how to eat.

In the midst of it all, I was struggling with unemployment. Not finding permanent work and not having a sense of purpose in society.

I was now at my heaviest again. I felt ashamed. It was as if I threw all my past hard work out the window. And I began hating the body I saw in the mirror. I became a hard person, a jealous person (astaghfiruallah), shy and unsocial. My mental health and physical health were tanking.

Fast forward three months ago

It’s time to stop being a victim. I want to live a good life. I want to be healthy. And no one is going to simply give all those things to me. I have to work for it.

And whatever Allah has put out for me will come my way, blessings and trials. But it is up to me to choose how I respond.

I used to think daily exercise was supposed to look a certain way. You’re in the gym, headphones on, sweat dripping down your face, all in the early morning or late night.

It was not until I let go of these preconceived ideas that I found my love for exercise.

Insert ‘easy’ exercises, walking and dancing

Instead of thinking that I HAVE to move my body. I am now grateful that I GET to move my body. Happy and surprised at what my mind + my body can accomplish!

It all started with taking walks with my husband in neighborhood, or going on walking dates with a friend. You will be surprised just how far you can walk when getting into a juicy gossip sesh – and how fit you become too!

Walking is also very accessible for most people. You don’t need to pay a membership fee or use any special equipment.

And when the cold seasons came, I just walked around in my house!

And I am not rhythmically-inclined, so my dancing sucks! But who cares when you’re working out at home!? Behind closed doors, I am a Bollywood bombshell or a hip hop master! Dancing is incredibly fun. You don’t notice the time moving or the sweat dripping down your head.

I started enjoying just moving my body and having fun. So much so, that doing 45 minutes of daily exercise is now something I look forward to. And even on the days when I’m exhausted or on my period, I lower the intensity and style!

All bodies look different. Exercise looks different, too

It’s all about the marathon. The LIFE marathon. I am no longer worried about fitting into certain sizes. My goal now is to ensure that I can do as many things for myself, as long as possible.

Getting strong to carry groceries, hang up the laundry, and lift bins of thrift items. Be flexible enough to sleep well, sweep under the table, and climb stairs.

Be mentally resilient to push through pain and adversity. And tell myself, ‘Yes, I can!’

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It is all our responsibility to take care of our bodies the best way we can. But when it becomes overwhelming or scary, let us not be ashamed to reach out for help. After this, I will work on my relationship with food, too.

Let’s all get healthier and happier together ❤️

Zahraa