Some people feel lonely – even in a crowd.

Loneliness is completely different to a physical state of being alone: solitude. It is the ‘perceived state’ of being alone, causing emotional discomfort and stress.

A 2021 survey by the Statista Research Department shows that out of 28 countries, South Africa ranked sixth in terms of feelings of loneliness in adults. And these results were way before the psychological distresses during the Covid-19 pandemic.

Feeling like you belong, and having social connections are vital in every stage of life. A recent study by the U.S. Surgeon General saw that the effects of ‘social isolation’ impacts mortality equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day!

Signs that a person might be feeling lonely.

People can suffer from loneliness for a number of reasons, including:

• moving house or to a new city
• changing jobs or schools
• an end to a relationship
• living on their own / working from home

Lonely people may feel:

• isolated from others
• sad
• like no one understands them
• as though they have no one to talk with, or confide in

Chronic loneliness can also include these physical symptoms:

• deceased energy levels
• sleep issues including insomnia or interrupted sleep
• feelings of worthlessness
• unable to focus
• decreased appetite
• a weaker immune system, a tendency to get sick often
• body aches and pains
• they might start misusing substances
• increased spending / shopping

As social creatures, humans need close, healthy relationships to thrive. While this is true, research suggests that some amount of alone time is also vital. This form of ‘positive solitude’ creates a space for self-reflection, creativity and empathy.

Ways to manage loneliness

Loneliness is not a diagnosable condition. But this not mean it is not important to address or seek help with. It does mean that there is no clear-cut standards of care for loneliness as there are for treating bipolar disorder, anxiety or depression.

These lifestyle changes may help someone suffering with loneliness:

Practice self-care: during times of hardship, it is important to be kind to ourselves. Using blame or hurtful self-talk is not going to help. Instead focus on acknowledging personal wins and good traits, while practicing in positive self-talk.

Revive social connections: reach out to a friend, colleague or family member. This can be to reach out for help, plan a date together, or just enjoy a simple chat. If this is too daunting, try to spend more time around people: a market, going to the mall, visiting the aquarium…

Practice gratitude: things may seem bleak, but taking just a few moments to notice the positive things in life – and practice gratitude daily – may help. Think of something that once brought joy. This can be a delicious meal, a conversation with a friend or a movie that makes you laugh. Volunteering is also a great way to be grateful for the things and people in your life, while giving back to those less fortunate.

Spend time with animals: the presence of another living creature can be comforting – not to mention their funny and cute antics! Having a furry friend can help relieve stress, lift your spirits or even become more social. Dogs need to go outside to potty, and this may lead you to strike up a conversation with other dog owners. And who can resist sharing their own cat videos? Research suggests that owning or fostering a pet can improve both physical and mental wellbeing.

In the end

Loneliness makes you believe that there is no way out, and that there is no meaning to life. But as we have seen, there are ways to get through it – and thrive! If you are suffering from loneliness and your symptoms worsen, it is worth approaching a healthcare professional for help.

South African Depression & Anxiety Group Helpline 0800 456 789 (24 hours)

​Cape Mental Health 021 447 9040 or email Ingrid Daniels ingrid.daniels@cmh.org.za

Suicide Crisis Helpline 0800 567 567